When Ryan and I first started dating. Every time we would hang out it felt like we were in a bubble. Like we were the only ones around and time stood still.
We refer to the bubble a lot. When things are stressful and we need a break, we talk about the bubble and getting back to that. The stress-free piece of solitude.
We haven’t talked about it in awhile. Honestly we both had forgotten, briefly, but still forgotten about it. It was in a moment the other evening, we both talked about our stresses and things that are tugging on our heartstrings. It was a brief moment but it felt like the weight that had been burdening us (well me I can’t speak for him) was lifted. No problems had been solved, nothing was fixed, but it was a brief moment where we were back in it. It was an amazing brief second.
I think back to how the heck we had got into this. One word. LIFE. It isn’t hard to loose what brought you together. He has always been my fresh air. My person. And to no fault of our own, we stepped out of the bubble. Weather it be for parent duties, family duties, or occupational duties, we stepped out.
We were able to find again, and that right there means more than any thing. But we found it in a time where we both needed it the most. That is something.
I feel lately that times are hard and I’m not making any forward progress. But I have the bubble to be able to regroup and refocus. And I have him. My rock and strength.
I had a moment the other morning, while looking through old posts. Timehop is a blessing and a curse all at the same time. I love when I come across old pics of the kids that have gotten buried in photos of that time in my life where I took tons of pictures of food and drinks. Yea yea, I still take pictures of drink. Sometimes they are just really cool looking. Ok, off subject. But the curse of Timehop is when I come across those posts. The posts that I have buried with that chapter of my life. It’s a weird feeling that creeps up sometimes. Sad for that person that I used to be that went through that but so happy that I did go through it. Sad for some of the relationships I lost, or loved ones that have passed. I came across this one this morning:
My dear friend Paul passed away. But it’s so nice to see him all over my Timehop.
My point of this blog wasn’t to bring up the past. It was a part of the point I was trying to make. Timehop. I also came across some posts of how passionate and on fire I was about real estate. I was excited and passionate about where things could go with my life. And then, 3 years ago, I got hit with a bomb. My passion for my children has been unwavering. So don’t get me wrong, but the fire burnt out. Or became dim. Or whatever metaphor I’m missing. I do have a lot of things that I see where my passion could be relit, or fuel. But everything seems very far off. So I’m struggling with the now. Like the Dierks Bentley Song, “I want to feel that fire”. I know I’ll figure it out, just not sure where to begin. I am in such a better place. I am very thankful.
Its funny to think back to where I was 3 years ago. I had just found out my husband at the time was having an affair with another woman. My world was crushed. Everything that I thought I had known was a lie. I had no job, no money. I had two kids and I didn’t know what I was going to do. But I picked myself up, the best way I knew how, and moved forward.
Hell, even two years ago, I would have never saw myself where I am today. I am pretty lucky. I am with the man I have been dreaming of. We live with our 4 kids in a nice house on the water where we work. 2 years ago, I was in a horrible relationship that was toxic for both of us. I was severely depressed. Everything was dark and I didn’t think that I was ever going to see light. I really thought that I was unlovable because that’s what was in front of me. So its hard for me to think about how far I have come sometimes. It seems like a lifetime ago.
Now, it’s 2017. I am past all of that stuff. There are new challenges in front of me. In front of us. What hotel will we stay at this weekend for our getaway to Richmond? Where will we do for our summer vacation with the kids? How can we purchase this marina? It can be overwhelming at times but I think back to where I was. When I was in a really dark, dark place and I think now, it’s not that bad. I keep that perspective, or at least try to. And I have had dark days. Trust me. But right now, it’s about making goal and accomplishing them. One step at a time.
So, life has been very busy lately. My goal of writing daily has been blown out of the water. But I’m here. No more excuses.
Lots have been happening lately. We launched our new website Friday. And are in the process of revamping our logo as well. Next steps are to get more of a social media presence. We also are moving forward with the new pool and bathhouse at the marina.
But this isn’t about what’s going on at work. Or all the new things I’m trying to do. It’s about the guy that’s been rooting for me on the sidelines from day one. My best friend.
He really is. He’s one of the people that I know that I can tell anything without hesitation or reservation. I know he will be there to listen and be my sounding board… most of the time because let’s face it-it’s in a guys DNA to fix things. He’s someone that has listened to me at 2am about my nightmares and has talked me back down to rationality. He has listened to my crazy rants including the ones about suicidal slug salt bombers. Yea, it happened. He was one of the very few people that know how much I struggled 2 years ago. So many late night conversations about nightmares and randomness. He’s so easy to talk to. It comes easy. When I have exciting news, he’s the first one I think of to tell. Or even bad news because I know he can comfort me.
We weren’t even together when I found out about my cervical cancer. He was there. He gave me words of encouragement and said he would be there for the procedure. He bought me a cape. A purple cape with an “S” on it. It has my “S” on it. I write my “S”‘s different. He noticed. The night before my surgery, I came down with the stomach bug. I wanted to call off the surgery. Postpone it til I was better and more mentally prepared. He was there (thru text). Told me to get some Gatorade in me and that he would be there in the morning to help me get my kids to where they needed to go. He was there. I know I can rely on him with anything.
We’ve been through a lot in the time we have been together. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not long. But with everything we do it seems right.
I keep having moments lately. And maybe because I have been struggling with some things lately that make these things seem bigger than they are. But these moment catch me off guard. It may be a silly moment or when we are talking seriously about work. Either way, I have noticed. I take that brief moment and really think about how far I have come.
Lately I have been struggling, with a few things actually. We have had a few meetings regarding financing the marina. It seems daunting. But all I know is the comfort that I have when I imagine doing this with him. Building a dream- our dream.
So I’m over it. It was nice for a little while but it can go away now. Where we live at now we have some decent hills for the kids to sled on.
It looked pretty for awhile.
But it needs to go.
A customer of ours at the marina is a neighbor that lives behind us. He left just before the storm hit to go down to Florida for a few months. He sent me this picture
I need warmth in my life. Supposed to 65 on Thursday here. *Shrugs shoulders*
End of the year crap has got me all over the place today at work. I could go into the boring details of all that I actually did but I want to keep you reading. Making steps in the right direction for our new website for the marina. Have a meeting with the design coordinator (I gave her a title because I’m not sure what it is) next week to discuss the next steps. Ryan and I also have some big meetings the end of this week. Financial planning and the bank. When did I grow up? What am I doing?
Reminds me today, Ryan says I ask to many questions. This picture, and I’m sure you have seen it, but this is me.
So anywho…. some steps towards the right direction. I had been feeling for awhile that I was a bird with my wings clipped. Maybe I was just meant to walk.
Oh, and they are talking about snow this weekend. I am sorry to anyone who lives up north but here in southeast Virginia its rare we see a lot of snow. Like more than a few inches. And if we do, EVERYTHING is shut down. One plus to living so close to work.
Tomorrow is another day
So not only am I starting anew with my blog, the marina is going to be getting a facelift on our website as well. With a lot more bells and whistles too. Y’all take a look at the marina website and let me know what you think. And also take a look at this demo that was provided by the new company we are going with. Looking for ideas to help me brainstorm. Leave a comment with suggestions or go to our contact us page.
As always, thanks for reading